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  • Stop the Fighting

    Does your marriage seem like one fight after another? Does it feel like every statement, every question, every comment, every everything leads to an argument? How can someone be wrong all the time? Are you wondering what happened to the days when you were dating and the two of you could sit down someplace and talk about anything or talk on the phone for hours and not get tired of the conversation or each other? Perhaps your ‘irritation meter’ rises very quickly. It seems like everything your spouse does or says…or doesn’t do or doesn’t say just irritates the tar out of you. Maybe it is the other way around and you feel like no matter what you do or say is irritating to your partner. Perhaps you are feeling like you have to constantly defend or justify yourself. It might even feel like you need to walk on eggshells in your own home and with the person you love. Now you are simply tired and worn out, ready to throw in the towel. But wait…

    Here is a fact we can agree on, all relationships have conflict. When you meet a couple who says that they never fight, probably these 2 things are true about them. One, they are deceived and possibly lying and, second, their relationship is shallow. Couples who care deeply for each other will have conflict. The good news is that husbands and wives can unlearn old, unproductive ways of dealing with conflict and learn new, effective ways to work through conflict and come to resolution or compromise leading to deeper emotional connection and trust. Instead of focusing on being understood, skills can be learned to help partners focus on better understanding each other. Understanding what your spouse might be feeling, thinking, experiencing, and how the situation is impacting them. Instead of arguing to be “right,” husbands and wives can learn to appreciate the other’s viewpoint. Here are some healthy, respectful ways of resolving conflict that we can work on together: becoming aware of our own losing strategies (yes, we all have them), understanding how self-esteem and boundaries influence the relationship, learning how to actively listen to each other and, of course, exploring how our past experiences are hijacking our marriage. Picture you and your spouse having emotionally engaging conversation free from accusation, threats, bullying and the like. Begin your recovery today from a high conflict marriage to a fun, fulfilling life together. Call me to schedule your free phone consultation.