Understood or Understanding?

Understanding…how important is it in relationship? Well, I would say that as we focus on understanding our partner we are on the pathway to better communication and deeper connection!

Early in a relationship we are all about trying to learn about and understand the person we are interested in. We spend hours talking about our families, our hobbies, the books we read, the movies we like, our favorite foods, and on and on. We ask a million questions and never get tired of the answers. We are attracted to the strengths of the other person and admire them. Our hearts flutter just thinking about the next time we will be together or talk or FaceTime. We constantly think about other things we would like to know about them.

Then something happens…we don’t know when or how, but we think we know all we need to know about our spouse. And now those strengths we so admired early in the relationship seem to become irritants to us. We no longer focus on understanding our partner. Instead we want to be understood! We stop listening. We try to make our partner listen to us. We dig our feet in the dirt and refuse to budge because we want to be heard, we want to be listened to, we want some understanding.

As we focus more on being understood rather than understanding, the communication between ourselves and our spouse deteriorates. Normal conversation ceases to happen. Almost everything becomes an argument or disagreement. It is exhausting!

There is a way to stop the madness! Your partner wants to be understood as much as you do. As we again turn our focus and attention to really listening and understanding him/her they will begin to listen to us. When a person feels understood they become more understanding. Decide you will be the one to be understanding. Go ahead. Take the first step toward better communication and deeper connection by becoming the understanding one in the relationship.

Need help with communication and understanding? Call me for a free phone consultation today. You will be so glad you did.

Carma Kuhn, M.Ed., NCC, LMHC     321-251-8344