Sorry - For Real!

No matter how sweet and kind your partner may be, there will be times when they hurt you in some way and you hurt them as well.  This is the first of a 2-part blog about the “genuine sorrow and forgiveness dance” that is necessary to reconcile after something hurtful has been done or said.  In this first blog we will look at the role sorrow plays in reconciliation.

Even when the “offenses” are unintentional the hurt feelings are very real. We want to make up and make the situation better but many times we do not really understand how to apologize so that our partners feel we are genuinely sorry.  There are three types of sorrow:

1. We say “I’m sorry” because it is expected but we may or may not feel sorry at that moment.
2. We apologize because we got caught or have been exposed but are not truly sorry for what was done or said.
3. We genuinely feel sad and sorry for hurting someone we love.

When we have genuine sorrow there are certain qualities that will be demonstrated in our relationship.  The person who is genuinely sorry will be alarmed at their behavior or choices, demonstrate concern and caring, be eager to clear themselves, and want to learn how to be different in the future.

Many times we can understand the concept of being sorrowful yet do not know how to practically show our true sorrow to our partner.  Here are some practical ways to express that we are genuinely sorry:

• Communicate genuine caring about our partner’s pain.
• Clearly communicate their pain is legitimate.
• Admit that what was done was hurtful.
• Take full responsibility for our actions and choices.
• Express personal disappointment over our actions and choices.
• Reassure our partner that we will do our best to make different behaviors, attitudes, and choices in the future.

The next time there is something hurtful that occurs in your relationship, take the time to put some of these suggestions into practice.  It will make a difference in how quickly you can reconcile and get back to enjoying life together.

If you are wanting help in your relationship, call Carma at 321-251-8344 to schedule a free phone consultation.